Slow and steady...

Over all I will say I am doing very well. I have been going to the gym daily or like today Tim and I walked around Memorial Park. I understand from my best friend that the walk around Memorial Park is one mile, so for me that is a record!!! I did not even have to stop for a break or anything ;-)

I have also been doing quite well with the diet, staying within my 1800 calories and doing just fine. I have lost six pounds thus far!!! I know you really are only supposed to weigh in once a month, but I could not help myself. I was so excited today when I put on a pair of capri's that actually fit. The last time I wore them I was bulging out at the hips. I am trying not to get discouraged, as I know when you diet and exercise the fat turns into muscle which weighs more than fat. So, it seems as if you are gaining rather than losing, but if you look at it that you are gaining the muscle tone and losing the fat it helps. It's all in the attitude and how one perceives it. I am soooo ecstatic about this. I cannot wait till the day I step on the scale and it actually reads 199 or less. To be under 200 again, wow! I have not weighed less than 200 pounds since before I got married. That has been almost eight years ago!!! I am really hoping for an all over body, mind, and soul make over. I want to feel good. I am tired of being tired, not feeling well, full of anxiety and worry. I deserve to be happy as we all do. Only I can make that happen. This has been a long hard road in more ways than one, and I know I did it to myself. Now I have to un do the damage and make myself and even better and stronger person this time around. Right now I am on 1800 calories a day. Next month I plan on going down say to 1750 and then so on and so forth. Slow and steady. I do not count fruits and vegetables as long as nothing is added to them, so the idea is for me to eat more of these as I continue to lower my daily calorie intake. I have been pretty stressed out and on edge this last month. I assume most of it has to do with the diet change. This is a major change for me, even with the baby steps. i am sure that I was consuming well over 1800 calories a day beforehand with being a junk food junkie and going through drive thru's for most of my meals. I kept wondering and asking myself "What the hell is my problem as of late?" I guess I did not realize until now just what a major lifestyle change this is for me. At the same time of starting this diet and exercise plan I also started a new full time job. I have been working at this job for about a month and half now, but just part time on weekends only. Now I am full time. Things are a lot different and busier during the weekdays. I am beginning to wonder if this was all too much all at once. I did not want this job full time. I have nothing against the company or the people, nothing like that at all. I quit my previous job that I loved and adored due to an incident that happened. The incident truly was no fault of my own, however I paid the price for the mistake (suspended). I just knew I had no job to come back to, so I acted fast to find another and ASAP! Long story short I was given my job back, however when I returned I was given a final written for not only this incident but a bunch of other nonsense crap. I tried so hard to move forward, but it was just impossible for me to go back to work as my "happy go lucky" self and with my big genuine smile that I always had on my face. Instead I was constantly in tears and fought so very hard to hold them back. It's not that I do not take responsibility for myself or my actions, it's that this was wrong. Period! I felt ostracized. Like I was some sort of criminal or monster. I was labeled different, treated differently, people acted different around me, you name it. I was also very much on edge and constantly wondering when/if I was going to be let go. I could not work under those conditions, so I chose to submit my two week notice. I would rather quit than to be fired, and I just KNEW they were going to find any little tiny thing to fire me. The day I submitted my notice I was told I did not need to full fill it and that it was considered in effect immediately. I felt like I had just been thrown away like yesterdays news paper. I was so hurt, words cannot even begin to describe. It was as if I never meant anything to that company. All of my hard work was for nothing. I really do feel that I gave it my all. I went above, beyond, and then some. I can honestly say that. I never expected a trophy or anything, but at the same time I never thought I would be thrown away like some useless trash. I felt so empty. My residents were my everything there. I loved those people. I really did. It was as if my whole entire family died all at once. I was left feeling so hurt and empty. I was lost. To start working at yet another health care facility and right after was very hard. Even though I hold the same job title, it feels so different. things are done differently and for the most part I feel like I am just NOT getting it. I am not sure how this is going to turn out but I will give it my best shot. I am also giving my new lifestyle my all. The actual diet and exercise has not been as tough as I thought it would be. I have already stuck to it for 10 days now!!! That's really awesome for me. I gibe up on things and get frustrated very easily. To already see progress on the scale though keeps me going. Right now I am just staying within my calories and walking/swimming. I plan on including other things into my work out a little at a time. Slow and easy...

Here I go...

Ok, so I went to the doc and am now on an 1800 calorie diet to start. She did not want me to go too low too fast. She does however want me to go to the gym like everyday! Yikes! She would like me to work my way up to one hour on the treadmill. I hate walking on a treadmill. So boring in my opinion. Maybe, swimming would be better for me since it is actually something I enjoy and also with my bad back it is low impact.
The diet has not been too terrible. I really have only fallowed it straight through now for well today! LOL
I got some Lean Cuisine's as I understand those are actually what they say they are and decent for you. I also got pre measured snacks and such like those 100 calorie packs, yogurt, pudding, cheese sticks, granola bars, 100 calorie bags of microwave popcorn. Sometimes I have got to have some butter and salt. At least this way I know when the little bag is gone I have had 100 calories and that is it. Wether I am supposed to or not I have not been couting fresh fruits. I figure they are all natural and nothing added so I am counting them as a free food. It's not as if I am eating a whole bag of apples a day or anything crazy anyway. I do count the calories in juice though. I only buy the 100% but still I count that, just not the actual fruit I eat. Next time I go shopping I am going to pick up all kinds of fresh veggies and well frozen ones too (nothing added of course) and that way I can eat as much of that as I want. I do the same with frozen fruit though I usually use that for smoothies. I would say all in all I am off to a good start. Of course once my calorie intake is lowered to say 1500 a day and so on I will have to continue to make more and more adjustments.
My weekdays at home have come to an end as I am now employed full time again. this is a blessing in more ways than one, still it was nice being able to get up whenever. Need the money way more than sleeping in all the time though. I will keep progress on here of the diet and all. Oh I almost forget I weighed in at 263 lbs.!!!! Holy cow, this is the most I have ever weighed my whole life. I am not sure how often you are to weigh in, but I am thinking once a month is good for me. Hopefully within a month I will have something to really be proud of.
Got my gym bag packed and will be heading straight to the gym tomorrow evening after work. I sure hope this week goes by a lot better than it has. i am not sure what my deal was this week but I tell you what it was like PMS on steroids! I have been so moody, irritable, cranky, mad, upset, frustrated, on edge, short tempered. One minute I want to cry and the next I want to rip someone's face off. It's like I am climbing the walls. UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! I was fighting with paper at work the other day and yes cussing it out too. Bad, really bad.
OK, will track more progress later.

I am tired of being fat and not feeling well...

I am tired of being fat and not feeling well, ever! I NEVER feel good. I am in constant worry about my health.
So, I am FINALLY going to my doctor this morning! I have made a list of concerns I want to address with her. Number one is weight loss!
I am also seeing my therapist today as well. Yes, i am crazy too LOL! I am going to address with my therapist my issues of constant worry and doubt I have about everything in my life.
I am at a dead end here. I keep telling myself that there has to be more to life that cleaning house and doing laundry. This cannot possibly be IT for me.
Also I have to make some changes with Tim and I. We never do anything or go anywhere together. We work, come home, go our separate ways here in the house. He usually spends his evenings in his studio painting listening to music or a book on tape while he paints, or he is watching the shows he enjoys that I do not care for. I am usually puttering around the house going sir crazy as I only work part times on weekends so I am home all day alone during the week days by myself for the most part. You guessed it, doing laundry/dishes. We do not have kids, so you can imagine it's not that difficult to keep up. We do have quite a few animals and this is a four bedroom house. There is always some sort of home improvement or deep cleaning I could be doing. That's no fun of course. There is always yard work of course. We seem to have the hugest and messiest back yard. I am still trying to get the front yard completely cleaned up before I start on the back. One project at time. The only thing Tim and I do together consistently is go out to eat, and it is always just the two of us. We do not engage in any sort of interesting conversation or anything either. We just "eat" and come home to our separate ways. We do not go out to the movies, or concerts, plays. We do not have a "date" night or anything like that. Don't misunderstand. We do not hate one another. We do not argue or fight either. We just don't do much of anything with one another period. Sometimes I feel as if I live in this house alone. I catch myself constantly letting out these big 'ol sighs and thinking there just HAS to be more to life. I am considering school, but for what?! I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. LOL! I do not want to take out yet another school loan that I am going to have to pay back for nothing. Beauty school, I went half way through it and am still paying back the loans!!! Right now we are on a debt management program too and that prevents us from financing anything or opening any new lines of credit. So, I am guessing if I did take a class or two in whatever I would have to be able to pay for it out of pocket. That is kind of hard to do when I am only working part time on weekends only and Tim and I are by the skin of our teeth as is. I have been looking for a job as well. Let's face it though I have only a high school education and so the dead end jobs I can get are also the ones all the college and high school kids are applying for as well right now. I just feel so lost right now. I really need some direction in my life all around.
So, first things first! I am going to talk to my doc about diet and weight loss. I am hoping that my progress will not only make me feel better physically, but that I will get a sense of accomplishment as well. That should lift my spirits greatly. I am going to talk with my therapist about the un controlled worry and doubt I have. Maybe, just talking to a professional and getting some advice will take a load of bricks off of my shoulders. One can only dream.
I plan on keeping a food journal. I hear that aids in successful weight loss. I will also continue to blog on here and post pictures of my progress.
Now, I need some suggestions of things Tim and I can do together as a couple that would be enjoyable for us both and not break the bank. Any ideas?! Let me know.

Now what?!

Another work week has come and gone for me and now starts my five day weekend. Be careful what you ask for, as you might get it. I used to say I wish I could have five day weekends and only work two. Course I also meant that I wanted to be able to afford to do that.
You might as well call me a dumb ass as I turned down a full time position where I work because I do not want a job where I am sitting all day confined to one area answering phone call after phone call. I get too bored too easily. I need to be up on my feet moving around. So, I chose to wait it out till I find "that" job. LOL! For now I am working weekends only as part time receptionist for a retirement center. At least now my boss leaves me projects to do, as to where before I started doing my scrap booking just so I would have something to keep me busy. Anyone know of any grave yard positions anywhere? I am a night owl by nature so that would be perfect for me.
I am still working on the diet and watching what I eat more and more. I will be a lot more into it after I seek my doctors professional help with the whole diet/exercise thing. I know that for most this sort of stuff would be considered commen sense and for the most part I know what I should and should not eat, but I never had to worry about being over weight until now and I am just at a loss here. Having a job where I could be up on my feet moving around would be a great start though!

Cassie

Well, I have decided that if I truly want to get on the right foot and make things happen for me I need to act now and fast. I am going to make a doctors appointment, as I would like the advice and support from a professional. I want to be healthy and lose weight the "right" way. I know about diet and exercise a bit. Since I never had to worry about being over weight till recent years I feel clueless and hopeless. I know there is no easy fast way. Sorta like there is no such way for most of us anyway to get rich quick.


I am going to ask for a diet and exercise plan and then I am going to challenge myself to fallow it to a "T"!


I will keep progress of my stats on here and a full diary of my diet and exercise program. I am really excited to get started.


Wish me luck!


On a lighter note a friend of mine from work and I have started a scrap book night. Tonight she came over and we started our scrap books. It was a lot of fun to have company. She brought her to Chihuahua's. They are both brother's to my youngest Chihuahua. One of them is from the same litter and the other is a year younger. The three of them are so cute together. I will have to capture pictures of them next time. My female Chihuahua was very protective of her house and her water dish. Silly dog.


Here is a PIC of our English Bulldog! She is the love of my life!

I'm back...

Well, here I am. I am starting this again. I have chosen to delete quite a few post I had on here. I felt like I got off track a bit. The idea of this blog in the first place was for me to keep track of progress in my life. Focusing mostly on my physical health and a lifestyle change. I would like to drop a good hundred pounds. I feel like I was actually using this as a "bitch fest" if you will. I then went private with it because there was a lot of personal information with a lot of people's names included. I am not going to do that anymore. That obviously gets me no where. Besides I want to remain focused on the positive. The past is what it is and it cannot be changed, however I hold the keys to unlock the door to my future.
Recently I chose to quit a full time job I had. It's a very long story and I won't get into yet another "bitch fest". I am now working part time on weekends only for yet another retirement center and yes also as a receptionist. Other than losing out on I'd say about $800.00 a month, this has actually been a good change for me. I have gotten quite a bit accomplished here at home. I am getting out more and getting a lot more physical activity. Due to the shortage of funds eating out is not so much an option anymore. This too is also a good change. I am allot more conscious when I go to the grocery store. I read labels and I only buy brown rice, whole grain pasta, 100% whole wheat or multi grain bread, fresh fruit and veggies. I have a wonderful cookbook that I bought a while back and it has over 1400 recipes you can make in a slow cooker. this is excellent because in the summer our house gets so hot. No way do I want to turn on the oven. Also cooking in a slow cooker makes clean up a breeze. You pretty much use just that to mix up whatever you are making and then you cook in it as well. I am willing to bet that you use less electricity too! I am trying to stay away from soda. I refuse to eat/drink anything with artificial sweeteners in it. The sugar sodas are so bad. I stick with iced tea and if anything I add a lemon wedge to it. I am sure the caffeine is not a good choice, but I understand the chemical process that is used to take caffeine out of coffee and tea is even worse for you. Besides the caffeine in tea is way less than coffee. I have never been much of a coffee drinker. I am not able to drink coffee unless I put a mound of sugar and cream in it anyway. That is defeating the purpose of trying to lose weight.
So, I have been working on my house. Last week I spent a whole day cleaning out the garage. Today I spent the afternoon cleaning up the front yard and the side of our house. For me this is hard physical labor and a good workout. I have no idea how it gets so bad. I think that it was just let go for so long. It is more work than if I were just having to start from scratch. It is nice to be out in the sun and working. Actually felt good to break a sweat and feel a sense of accomplishment too! I probably have a good six huge garbage cans full of junk, trash, and tree limbs just from today's project. I only have two huge garbage cans on wheels. So, I put out what I can and see what the trash guys will take. I figure this stuff did not accumulate overnight and I will not be rid of it all overnight either. I can't say that I am looking forward to cleaning up the back yard, especially since we own three dogs as well. We have the hugest back yard it seems. Ours is like twice the size of some of our neighbors it seems. I swear we could build an underground pool back there and still have a whole yard left. Needless to say the amount of work that needs to be done back there just to clean it up is equal to size of the yard. Again, it has been let go for too long. I figure there is no time like the present. I am looking for another full time job and might even keep the part time one I have as well. So, now in between applying for jobs and going on interviews I can clean my house up. I have been focusing so much on the outer part that the inside of my house is not looking too great. I let laundry go for as long as I possibly could and now I am trying to catch that up as well. Seems endless. It's nice though to feel I have a reason to get up in the mornings. Since I am only working part time on the weekends it would be very easy to stay in bed all day through out the week and do nothing. That of course would get me no where and fast. I would probably fall into a deep depression if I did that. I am so lucky to be able to keep my mind, body, and spirit active. I hope I will always be as blessed as I am now. Other than being very over weight I am in pretty good health. I pray I take the pounds off before I become diabetic or something due to the weight. It does not help that Tim went and bought two for one ice cream at the grocery store this evening. I should know better by now then to send him shopping alone. It is hard to have self control when you have ice cream staring you in the face every time you open the freezer. He is not doing this to be mean and ugly but rather he feels I deserve a treat for working so hard. I appreciate the thought, but the idea of working so hard other than to clean the place up is to shed all this weight.
Well off I go to work on laundry. Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistkes in it. Yet ;-)

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Vicki and I

Swimming

I think I am going to try the gym again and this time just focus on swimming. I have always enjoyed swimming and being in the water. I am not a good swimmer by any means but I can do it. I figure just laps back and forth across the pool will help out greatly. Anything to get my body going.
Last night for dinner I made chicken and rice. I used brown rice and boneless skinless chicken breast. I think the worst part of the meal was the cream of mushroom soup because it was not the 98% fat free one. I only like the one that has roasted garlic in it as well and that one does not seem to come in the "Healthy Choice" option. Now the candy and doughnuts I had for desert is what I should have avoided all together. I justified my choice by saying I needed chocolate. Now of course the smart choice would have been dark chocolate but of course I opted for milk.
I think I may have an infection in my jaw or something. Better get in to see the dentist. Joy of my life ;-)
I did finally make it to the eye doctor, the specialist. He says my eyes are healthy and the diagnosis for all the complaints I have are due to extremely dry eyes. I ordered glasses and once they come in maybe the other issues will subside as well.
I need to get back to my dermatologist. I saw him back in November time frame because when I got sick mid to late September with the H1N1 I got a bad case of hives, which I still get. He gave me an order to have blood work done. I have yet to do that, but will and soon. I woke up yesterday and my normal double chin I have was like triple. I have no idea what caused me to swell up like that. I have been having a lot of issues with my teeth and figure it may be due to an infection or something in my jaw. I just need a whole brand new body. I am all jacked up LOL.
tomorrow is back to work I go, but off on Sunday. I traded with a co-worker who wanted Saturday off.
I am off for now...

still at it...

Well, today was not bad. I worked all day and was busy, so I had no time to think about food or anything. I had breakfast this morning at work, as I did not get up in enough time to eat here at home or make a smoothie to take with me. I had two eggs over hard with one slice of wheat toast and some bacon. Really I only at the toast and one egg. I had a few sips of coffee this morning with cream, sugar, and caramel syrup, and I had about 3/4 of a pepsi. I drank mostly un sweetened iced tea and for lunch I had a pb&j on whole wheat bread. For dinner I got chili with cheese and onions from Wendy's and am drinking some hot tea with nothing in it. Last night for a snack I had some multi grain crackers with cream cheese. I am actually not feeling hungry or deprived and I am not even tempted to get any junk. Not yet anyway.
Tomorrow's a nother day...

If it's white, it aint right...(pasta, bread, and rice)

Today has been a good day both for food and beverage intake. Had my last cup of dark cocoa this morning, but I also made a really yummy smoothie. I bought frozen vanilla yogurt last night at the grocery store and added some of that along with a banana, frozen fruit, lime juice, and the rest of the orange juice I had. I snacked on some multi grain crackers with cream cheese, and also had a grilled chicken sandwich on a whole wheat but with lettuce, tomato, and mayo. I also had some un sweetened iced tea. Cleaned up the house today, mainly dishes and laundry. I think I may actually turn in early tonight. I have to work the weekend. Bitter cold outside and I'd just rather stay in tonight...

Eat green, to get lean...

So, last night I met up with my best friend Carla and we went to Perkins for tea. I did have hot tea with lemon and honey as well as a Deluxe chef salad with ranch on the side, then i had a slice of pie. However, I got a half slice rather than a whole. We went to wal mart afterwards as we both needed to pick a few things up. While in the check out lane I picked up a Pepsi, however I think I may have had all of five drinks out of it. This morning I am having a cup of dark cocoa, however this was the last one, and I believe I am out of coke now too! I may have only one thing of microwave popcorn left as well, so I think I am pretty much out of all the junk.
I bought some more bananas last night for my smoothies, and when Tim and I had gone to Sam's I got a huge bag of frozen fruit. Maybe this evening Tim and I will hit the gym. I am hoping I won't have anymore of those weird dizzy feelings. That was so scary to me and I have been avoiding the gym since due to that tho I know it is not caused by going to the gym. Next time I am at the store I plan on buying some fresh veggies and putting them in baggies to keep on me for healthy snacks. Now I am off to clean and start my day!

I think I can...

This photo was taken the night of my company Christmas party. I am hoping to be able to compare PICS a year from this one and to see a transformation! I have high expectations for myself and hope with a vision and a plan to fallow through...

Last night I ended up drinking a coke and having a bag of butter lover's popcorn.

I was off today and and spent most of my time laying around which is norm for me. I usually do spend one whole day off just lying around. I am sure this too is not a good choice. I have not eaten much today either. I snacked on some multi grain crackers, some hard pretzels, a cheese stick, water, a coke, un sweetened iced tea, and cold cereal with skim milk today. I had granola and raisin bran. I do plan on having a normal healthy meal here soon, although it is nearly 10p.m. now A friend of mine and I are planning on meeting for coffee at a local place like Denney's. I will choose something substantial and healthy. I seem to be a night owl by nature so when I am off these are the hours I keep. I watched Dr. Oz today until his show was interrupted by the President. Anyway, I learned the number one mistake dieters make is to NOT eat breakfast. I have actually been doing well with making sure I have breakfast. Today was cold cereal in skim milk, but most days it is a smoothie made in a blender or a banana and yogurt. I also bought real oatmeal and plan on having that with honey and cinnamon. Tim and I did not make it to the gym again tonight. I really need to work on that more. Exercise Dr. Oz says is essential. He talked about that today as well when talking about people that suffer from insomnia which I do. The number one reason for that is anxiety. Go figure, I have severe anxiety. Anyway I am off now and will be on again much later tonight I am sure of it...

The little choo choo train that could...

I have been doing really well with my food intake. For the past two days I have had smoothie's or just a banana and a yogurt for breakfast, mid morning snack has been multi grain crackers and pepper jack cheese sticks, lunch has been tuna salad on whole wheat bread, dinner has been a grilled chicken breast sandwich on whole wheat bread with lettuce, onions, cheese, and mustard with dill pickle spears on the side. Last night when I got off from work Tim and I went to Sam's. We did not make it to the gym, however we walked the whole store and I personally feel I got more exercise that way than on the treadmill for fifteen minutes. I started getting the hot flashes and feeling faint again. I knew it was my blood sugar. There is a little food court there, but nothing healthy to choose from. I got a soft pretzel that I ate about 3/4 of, and shared a root beer with Tim. Not a good choice, but it was the best they had to choose from. Iced tea was not an option and since I was feeling faint I needed the sugar anyway. Late at night when I get hungry I just snack on multi grain crackers and I had some orange juice. My weakness lately has been with my beverages. Last night I had a cup of hot dark cocoa with some caramel syrup added. This morning I had a cup of coffee at work also added caramel syrup to it. Later on this afternoon I drank my coke that I had taken to work the day before, but left behind. I have been drinking iced tea and hot tea too, but I still need to work on the coke, coffee, and hot chocolate. Luckily I am almost out of coke and chocolate. I still have the butter lover's popcorn and yes I may have a bag of it tonight. All in all I am doing well though. No gym tonight, it is bitter cold out. We are getting some sort of winter storm in and it is predicted to get down to zero tonight. Luckily I am off the next couple of days as I traded with another receptionist. He wanted this weekend off so I will work Saturday and Sunday and then be off on Monday. It is kind of nice to mix it up a little every now and then.

Not feeling well...

Well, this morning I am just not feeling well at all. I had hot flashes, and now cold chills. I am fatigue and weak feeling. I figure part if not all of it is the diet change. Maybe, I am going through some sort of withdrawls. Not sure. I got up in time barely to make my smoothie. The coffee here at work is not doable with just cream. Nasty bitter tasting, so I had a couple of sips and threw it out. I brought an extra yogurt with me today to eat this evening prior to the gym. I figure this will keep my blood sugar leveled. I just keep telling myself to stick it out and that more than likely I will get into the routine and start feeling a lot better within a couple of weeks.

Baby steps...

So, I made it to the gym tonight when I got off work. I weighed myself. 251 pounds!!!!! Yikes! This is not my heaviest, amazingly enough. I was at about 260 at one point in time.
I had done really well on eating today, but fell really hard at the end. This evening I had a salad at work, but by the time I got off and went to the gym I was feeling really anxious and shaky, disoriented and dizzy. I figured I was just having a bit of a panic attack. This was new and a bit scary to me, also crowded and I am not comfortable around large groups of strangers anyway. I was soooo not comfortable with my weight and the way I looked. It seemed I was the heaviest person in the whole place and that included men. I got on the treadmill and set it for fifteen minutes. I thought fifteen minutes would never end. I kept feeling dizzy and like I may pass out. I wasn't even walking 2 mph and my heart rate was not up, but I kept feeling like I was losing it. By the time the fifteen minutes plus the three minute cool down was up I was so shaky and dizzy along with blurry vision. Tim and I left and we stopped at Sonic. I figured my blood sugar must be way down. I did order a grilled chicken sandwich on wheat, that would have been OK, but I opted for the combo. I Ordered an UN sweetened iced tea and tots. Just the regular size. Anyway, they brought me a sweetened iced tea instead. I figured I needed it so I just let it go. Needless to say I am feeling so much better now. I am going to take more healthy snacks with me at work, so that hopefully I do not experience this again tomorrow. I was really scared. I did not know if I was having a panic attack or my blood sugar was just really low. Maybe it was a combination since I do have problems with anxiety and panic attacks as well.
So, now I am home and settled in for the night. I got everything ready for tomorrow. My lunch is packed, my gym bag is ready, I know what I am wearing to work. I think a hot cup of herbal tea is just what I need. I did not eat all of the tots by the way, and I only drank maybe half of the sweetened tea. Also I had an avocado. I love avocado's and I hear they are excellent for raising your good cholesterol. I also had a half of tuna salad on whole grain bread and a few multi grain crackers. Last night I forgot to log that I had a bag of microwave popcorn (butter lover's). Yikes!!!! I will make better choices next time I buy these items at the grocery store. No more soda and no more buttered popcorn. I am not going to throw out or waste what I already have, plus this is all part of weening myself off of the junk.

Doing the best I can with what I don't have...

Today has been an awesome day thus far. I got up in time to make a smoothie for breakfast. these are awesome! They help maintain my blood sugar and full. I used mixed frozen berries, a banana, one cup of orange juice, one cup of grape juice, and a squeeze of lime juice. For my mornining break I had a yogurt and two pepper jack cheese sticks. For lunch I had a tuna salad sandwich on whole grain bread. I have drank one can of coke, but no morning coffee, and now I am drinking iced tea just plain no sugar. For dinner I plan on getting salad bar here from work, then straight to the gym from work. I am so excited that I am actually doing this, this is so cool. I already feel a difference in just the change in my diet. I do not feel deprived or hungry, and I notice I am not constantly yawning now that my blood sugar is not on a roller coaster ride. I think within a couple of weeks my energy level will soar and hopefully I will start sleeping better at night. Tim and I have officially decided that the dogs are going in a kennel at night. Neither one of us sleep well with them in and out of the bed all night.
I am not looking forward to my first weigh in, but I need to know what my starting point is. I plan on only doing a weigh in once a month so that I won't drive myself crazy. I must also remember that muscle weighs more than fat, so as I start to burn the fat and gain muscle I will actually weigh more. This can be so frustrating.
So, tonight once I am home and settled I will record my weigh in. I know I am at least 250, probably heavier. YIKES!!!!!

Not getting off to a good start...

Well, sad to say I did not make it to the gym again today. Tim and I got busy with other things. He sold a guitar on Ebay, so we had to ship that off, then we went to the laundry mat. While the laundry was in the washer we went over to one of our local thrift stores to see if anyone had turned in my check card. That was the last placed I had used it before it came up missing. Thank goodness I realized it was missing when I did and reported it lost. The thrift store did not have it. That is OK since I cut it off and no UN recognized transactions had posted to my account. After that we went back and dried our laundry, then we went by my work. I promised my boss as well as the housekeeping manager that I would donate a queen size bed set since we no longer have a queen size bed. I washed the linens and took them over, so that I would not have to try and lug them over there tomorrow morning. After that Tim and I decided to stop at the Chinese restaurant to eat. I just got vegetable fried rice, no eggs or mushrooms. I know anything fried is not a good choice, but the rice not being brown rice was bad any way. No Chinese place offers brown rice. Plus they use a peanut oil I think so it is not as bad as it could have been. I had that with hot tea. I did drink a coke today, actually more like half a coke. I had an egg salad sandwich on whole grain bread for lunch. This morning I had a low fat yogurt. I would be happy to go with fat free but that has artificial sweeteners in it and I just try to stay away from those completely. I also had a banana and some multi grain crackers and hot tea again this evening. I did pack my gym bag and put it in the car for tomorrow evening. Tim and I WILL be going tomorrow evening after he picks me up from work. I packed my lunch for tomorrow too! I have some pepper jack cheese sticks, a tuna salad sandwich on whole grain bread, a yogurt, and I will bring a banana too. Unless I get up in time to make a smoothie. I make smoothie's in the blender with frozen berries. I make to buy the ones with nothing added to them. I usually add a cup of 100% orange juice and another cup of some other kind of juice, a banana, and a squeeze of lime juice. They are really good and very sweet. Plus blueberries (especially) maintain my blood sugar levels. I usually have one cup of coffee in the mornings when I get to work. I just cannot do black coffee, however I can tolerate it with just cream in it, so I think I will try that in the morning rather than put the six packets of sugar in that I normally do. I did pack one can of coke in my lunch. I figure baby steps to start out with. Once I am out of soda though I do not plan on purchasing more. So, this is it to the long holiday weekend. I am going to finish getting everything together for the morning and call it a night. Tomorrow is a new day!

Getting on the right track...

I never made it to the gym yesterday. I am disapointed, however I spent most of the day cleaning my house and doing laundry. I also did very well with my food intake. Tim went to Q doba and I got three soft tacos with ground beef, pico, salsa, cheese, and guacamole on them. Last night for dinner I had a tuna salad sandwich on whole grain bread. I had some multi grain crackers and pepper jack cheese. Beverages, well I still need to wrok on that. I had dark hot chocolate in the morning and some soda's through out the day. Today I started out with dark hot chocolate again, this time however I used a smaller cup and so I only used one envelope of the cocoa rather than the two I had yesterday.

I love listening to Dr. Oz He says to cut just a 100 calories a day every day and that in itself will help you to lose a pound a month for the rest of your life. Also he says to walk, get at least the seven hours of sleep, pre pack your lunches and snacks, keep healthy snacks on you at all times.

Tim had some of his friends over yesterday they had a throwing star tournament in the garage, so that had some to do with not going to the gym. He was busy cleaning up the garage prior to them coming over and I was cleaning up the inside of the house. I hear you can burn quite a few carlories by doing house work, so I am not going to beat myself up too bad for not making it to the gym. I need to go to the laundry mat today. We have a king size bed and so I am unable to wash the linens in in my washer. They are too big and too heavy. I also need to send quite a few outfits out for dry cleaning, so I should just bite the bullet and take them along. At some point today I do want to hit the gym. I want to do a weigh in so I know where I am starting at and then walk on the treadmill for at least 15 minutes. I think I will get my laundry going at the laundry mat and then head to the gym. Sounds good to me. They are only maybe a five minute drive from one another. It's about 11:30 in the morning now, so I am off to finally start my day. this has been a nice long holiday weekend, but now I need to get going and get my mind set for the new work week.

Today,s the day!!!!

I remember when this picture was taken. October of 2001! I was s size 12 and weighed about 160-170 pounds. I remember thinking I was fat. I would do anything to be a size 12 again.

Today is the day! I am going to start working out at the gym today! I started my morning off with a big cup of dark chocolate hot chocolate. Still bad I know. I am going to boil the dozen eggs I bought last night and make egg salad and tuna salad. I also have whole grain pasta to make pasta salad. I am learning how to read labels on food and make better choices when I shop. Last night for a snack I had pepper jack cheese sticks and some multi grain crackers. I need to make fresh brewed iced tea, that will cut out my bad choices in beverages. I notice it is more expensive to buy multi grain, whole grain products like pasta and bread, but I know it is worth it. I will deffinetly reap the benefits once I get settled into my new life style and that is exactly what it is. A whole new life style!

So, Tim and I went to the grocery store and picked up a few things. Nothing major. I was very proud of us though, no junk. I did get a soda in the check out lane as I was thirsty. I do have a weakness for soda. I have never been able to do diet which is just as well. I hear the chemicals and artificial sweeteners are actually a lot worse for you. I have a really hard time finding unsweetened tea bottled, especially the kind that is not an instant powder mix. Yuck I hate that stuff. Nasty. The better choice of course would have been just plain bottled water. I really should make myself drink water. I did actually buy some plain bottled water that I will be taking to the gym with me. I can't stand our tap water. You would think here in the rocky mountains that our water is good. Not here in the city. Taste like bleach. Yuck! So, a Dr. Pepper it was. Again I did not pick up any junk food, so I still feel like I am on the right track. Tim and I did go through Wendy's drive thru on the way home. However, I got a small chili with cheese and onions added to it, and a sour cream and chives baked potato. The potato was a really bad choice I know, but at least it was not french fries.

Tomorrow I start the gym. I am telling myself that even if I only spend 15 minutes on the treadmill to start, at least I am starting and that is a big step for me in it self. I have posted some pictures so you can have an idea of where I am starting at. I am pretty big. I never thought in a million years I would ever be over weight much less obese. I was sure that would be impossible for me. I used to be so skinny people swore I was anorexic. Not true, I just had a lot on my plate growing up and it was always very stressful for me. I will post a picture of me on here from high school. I was 18 at the time and weighed about 95 pounds. One extreme to the other. I guess I am an all or nothing type of person...

Taking the first step

I have done good today thus far. Tim and I went to Balley's and renewed our memberships, then we had lunch at Chili's. We did very well. We both had the classic steak fajitas. Tim drank water and I had iced tea, no sugar. Tea is actually my favorite beverage, so I feel I have an advantage there. I enjoy hot tea or iced tea just plain. No sugar or anything added. Later on we will go grocery shopping. I plan on buying a dozen of eggs which I will boil. I am going to make egg salad and tuna salad and also just hard boiled eggs. I read that eating two boiled or poached eggs a day is really good for you and aids in losing weight. Since I do not have any problems with my cholesterol I will go a head with this idea. This being New Years day the gym is closing at 6p.m. I think I will start a work out plan tomorrow. Tim and I think we have it all figured out. We will pack our gym bags the night before, and then go straight to the gym from him picking me up at work in the evenings. My doctor told me this is best. He says if you go home first you will never make it to the gym. I am also going to pick up healthy snacks at the grocery store like yogurt, cheese sticks, and fresh fruit/vegetables. Eat small amounts throughout the day rather than the three meals a day thing. I hear it is healthier to eat say six small meals a day. My doctor says I should eat every two to three hours to keep my blood sugar levels where they need to be. High protein and only complex carbs.
I remember when I worked at the bank and used the gym they had there for free. I had 45 minutes for lunch, and so the first fifteen minutes I would walk on the treadmill. I got down to like 209 just by doing that and eating right. I told myself once I hit the 199 mark or lower of course I am going to award myself with a day at the spa. I have not weighed myself in a while. I plan on doing that tomorrow at the gym. I imagine I am around 250 pounds!!! I feel just awful too. I never have any energy and I am always sleepy. I do not sleep well at night and I suffer from chronic back pain amongst other issues. I am tired of being tired and in pain and discomfort. I just cannot do this any longer.

This is the first day of the rest of my life...

This is the first day of the rest of my life. I am 35 years old and in the worst shape ever imagined. My goal is that by the time I am 40 to look like I did at 20 and to feel even better. With diet and exercise it is possible. I think keeping a daily blog on my progress and diet will help even more. I imagine I will think twice before eating that bag of chips, as I won't want to write in my blog that I ate a bag of chips. By documenting everything I eat/drink and amount of time I spend at the gym, as well as my weight monthly I am sure to succeed!