Over all I will say I am doing very well. I have been going to the gym daily or like today Tim and I walked around Memorial Park. I understand from my best friend that the walk around Memorial Park is one mile, so for me that is a record!!! I did not even have to stop for a break or anything ;-)
I have also been doing quite well with the diet, staying within my 1800 calories and doing just fine. I have lost six pounds thus far!!! I know you really are only supposed to weigh in once a month, but I could not help myself. I was so excited today when I put on a pair of capri's that actually fit. The last time I wore them I was bulging out at the hips. I am trying not to get discouraged, as I know when you diet and exercise the fat turns into muscle which weighs more than fat. So, it seems as if you are gaining rather than losing, but if you look at it that you are gaining the muscle tone and losing the fat it helps. It's all in the attitude and how one perceives it. I am soooo ecstatic about this. I cannot wait till the day I step on the scale and it actually reads 199 or less. To be under 200 again, wow! I have not weighed less than 200 pounds since before I got married. That has been almost eight years ago!!! I am really hoping for an all over body, mind, and soul make over. I want to feel good. I am tired of being tired, not feeling well, full of anxiety and worry. I deserve to be happy as we all do. Only I can make that happen. This has been a long hard road in more ways than one, and I know I did it to myself. Now I have to un do the damage and make myself and even better and stronger person this time around. Right now I am on 1800 calories a day. Next month I plan on going down say to 1750 and then so on and so forth. Slow and steady. I do not count fruits and vegetables as long as nothing is added to them, so the idea is for me to eat more of these as I continue to lower my daily calorie intake. I have been pretty stressed out and on edge this last month. I assume most of it has to do with the diet change. This is a major change for me, even with the baby steps. i am sure that I was consuming well over 1800 calories a day beforehand with being a junk food junkie and going through drive thru's for most of my meals. I kept wondering and asking myself "What the hell is my problem as of late?" I guess I did not realize until now just what a major lifestyle change this is for me. At the same time of starting this diet and exercise plan I also started a new full time job. I have been working at this job for about a month and half now, but just part time on weekends only. Now I am full time. Things are a lot different and busier during the weekdays. I am beginning to wonder if this was all too much all at once. I did not want this job full time. I have nothing against the company or the people, nothing like that at all. I quit my previous job that I loved and adored due to an incident that happened. The incident truly was no fault of my own, however I paid the price for the mistake (suspended). I just knew I had no job to come back to, so I acted fast to find another and ASAP! Long story short I was given my job back, however when I returned I was given a final written for not only this incident but a bunch of other nonsense crap. I tried so hard to move forward, but it was just impossible for me to go back to work as my "happy go lucky" self and with my big genuine smile that I always had on my face. Instead I was constantly in tears and fought so very hard to hold them back. It's not that I do not take responsibility for myself or my actions, it's that this was wrong. Period! I felt ostracized. Like I was some sort of criminal or monster. I was labeled different, treated differently, people acted different around me, you name it. I was also very much on edge and constantly wondering when/if I was going to be let go. I could not work under those conditions, so I chose to submit my two week notice. I would rather quit than to be fired, and I just KNEW they were going to find any little tiny thing to fire me. The day I submitted my notice I was told I did not need to full fill it and that it was considered in effect immediately. I felt like I had just been thrown away like yesterdays news paper. I was so hurt, words cannot even begin to describe. It was as if I never meant anything to that company. All of my hard work was for nothing. I really do feel that I gave it my all. I went above, beyond, and then some. I can honestly say that. I never expected a trophy or anything, but at the same time I never thought I would be thrown away like some useless trash. I felt so empty. My residents were my everything there. I loved those people. I really did. It was as if my whole entire family died all at once. I was left feeling so hurt and empty. I was lost. To start working at yet another health care facility and right after was very hard. Even though I hold the same job title, it feels so different. things are done differently and for the most part I feel like I am just NOT getting it. I am not sure how this is going to turn out but I will give it my best shot. I am also giving my new lifestyle my all. The actual diet and exercise has not been as tough as I thought it would be. I have already stuck to it for 10 days now!!! That's really awesome for me. I gibe up on things and get frustrated very easily. To already see progress on the scale though keeps me going. Right now I am just staying within my calories and walking/swimming. I plan on including other things into my work out a little at a time. Slow and easy...
No comments:
Post a Comment