Baby steps...

So, I made it to the gym tonight when I got off work. I weighed myself. 251 pounds!!!!! Yikes! This is not my heaviest, amazingly enough. I was at about 260 at one point in time.
I had done really well on eating today, but fell really hard at the end. This evening I had a salad at work, but by the time I got off and went to the gym I was feeling really anxious and shaky, disoriented and dizzy. I figured I was just having a bit of a panic attack. This was new and a bit scary to me, also crowded and I am not comfortable around large groups of strangers anyway. I was soooo not comfortable with my weight and the way I looked. It seemed I was the heaviest person in the whole place and that included men. I got on the treadmill and set it for fifteen minutes. I thought fifteen minutes would never end. I kept feeling dizzy and like I may pass out. I wasn't even walking 2 mph and my heart rate was not up, but I kept feeling like I was losing it. By the time the fifteen minutes plus the three minute cool down was up I was so shaky and dizzy along with blurry vision. Tim and I left and we stopped at Sonic. I figured my blood sugar must be way down. I did order a grilled chicken sandwich on wheat, that would have been OK, but I opted for the combo. I Ordered an UN sweetened iced tea and tots. Just the regular size. Anyway, they brought me a sweetened iced tea instead. I figured I needed it so I just let it go. Needless to say I am feeling so much better now. I am going to take more healthy snacks with me at work, so that hopefully I do not experience this again tomorrow. I was really scared. I did not know if I was having a panic attack or my blood sugar was just really low. Maybe it was a combination since I do have problems with anxiety and panic attacks as well.
So, now I am home and settled in for the night. I got everything ready for tomorrow. My lunch is packed, my gym bag is ready, I know what I am wearing to work. I think a hot cup of herbal tea is just what I need. I did not eat all of the tots by the way, and I only drank maybe half of the sweetened tea. Also I had an avocado. I love avocado's and I hear they are excellent for raising your good cholesterol. I also had a half of tuna salad on whole grain bread and a few multi grain crackers. Last night I forgot to log that I had a bag of microwave popcorn (butter lover's). Yikes!!!! I will make better choices next time I buy these items at the grocery store. No more soda and no more buttered popcorn. I am not going to throw out or waste what I already have, plus this is all part of weening myself off of the junk.